I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
