So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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