I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had sex on a roof
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
