i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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