Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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