if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
