Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
