You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
