Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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