Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
