You really coming over, don't trick.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
