it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
third nipple confirmed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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