Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
