Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
