His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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