if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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