dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
