dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
