im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
