She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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