She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
