yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
