Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
