just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
