We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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