This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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