we're blogging at a bar
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
