you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
