Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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