Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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