im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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