Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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