It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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