I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
