I'm pants shitting drunk right now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
