How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
