it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
