and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
