dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think i just lost a toe
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
