definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
