Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
