when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
