That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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