I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
