And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet he comes in French.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
