had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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