There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
