so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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