Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
