I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
